When I was in college and my early twenties I was go go go… never home. Between school, work, friends, having a boyfriend, events and social activities, life was crazy. Late nights and early mornings.. sleep was on the bottom of my list. Now I am exiting my mid-twenties and about to enter my late twenties with a husband, a job, my own home, and a toddler and infant in tow. And you know what, life is still crazy! But crazy in a different way. Before I was never home where as now being home seems like the best place to be and sleep seems to be my number one goal! In fact I could say life is the craziest it’s ever been but in a weird way my days are slower. They are filled with dirty diapers, copious amounts of laundry, baby stuff everywhere and one mess after the other. There are days that seem to never end where I am counting down the
minutes seconds until my husband gets home. I live from hour to hour. One hour can be filled with overwhelming joy and love and the next hour seems to bring a wave of exhaustion that results in tears. I find myself with a list of stuff to do and barely any of it seems to get done.
Recently it was brought to my attention by someone who is close to our family, in there opinion, I am not doing enough. That of course is the condensed version and I will not divulge further on what transpired because that is not what this blog post is about. But of course upon hearing this I was devastated. As a wife and mom my biggest insecurity is that I am not doing enough. I hate that I am so exhausted all the time and I wish I could be the super mom with the immaculate house, cultured kids and dinner on the table every night. But this is not who I am. Upon processing what was said about me I realized a little something about myself. I would rather sit down and play with my kids then do the dishes and there is nothing wrong with that. Sometimes I need a little extra “me” time in order to keep my sanity and there is nothing wrong with this either. It is who I am and it is what works for me.
I am not here to pass judgements on other moms, in fact I believe there needs to be a little less comparing and judgment passing within the mom community. Being a mom is hard, really hard and really rewarding at the same time. You can never fully understand or appreciate motherhood until you become a mom. I have had to learn a big lesson ( a lesson I am still learning) it’s called Grace. Grace for myself, grace for my kids, grace for my husband and grace for others. Simply put.. we are all a little imperfect and that is ok.
I am not sure if I decided to write this because I am still trying process or even self justify. A part of me thinks the real reason I wrote this post is for YOU the reader. Maybe you are a mom or dad who feels like you are constantly failing, maybe you see others and can’t help but feel a little less than. I hope you know you are not alone. I hope you know that there is someone out there who understands your struggles and your fears! I want you to know that you are doing a good job and it is ok if you do things differently.
In end life is always a little crazy, but for me, at the end of it all I think what will matter the most are the relationships. I know my children, when they are grown, will appreciate more the time I spent with them rather then the time I spent “doing things”.
Linking up with Casey Leigh for On Your Heart